A Body Rebellion — hungryhungryhelen

My body rebelled so hard this winter and spring. It said, “oh you’re happy and fit? How about NO.” Thanks babe, you’re a real dream…*insert eye roll and many tears here*

Nothing about IBS is sexy. It means bloating, gas, cramping, and other unpleasantness...I managed my IBS for years by not eating gluten or dairy. Those were my trigger foods and for the most part if I avoided those, I was fine. Until this February. I can’t pinpoint an actual start date of the misery that the last four months turned into. I wish I could. I wish I knew what exactly it was that caused my flare up. This FOUR MONTH LONG flare up.

And let me tell you, when you have constant abdominal cramping and bloat...motivation is low. Very low. My yoga practice and workouts have taken a back seat. Which in turn makes me unhappy with myself and my body. I’m a better person when I work out, but lately, I just haven’t been able to as often as I’d like. With a constant bloat in my belly, only maybe once a week does my stomach look like what I deem as “normal” for me. Even in the mornings I still deal with cramping, gas, pain, and bloat.

When I did an all rice diet for 2 days and turned into the absolute WORST version of myself.

All of this brings my body dysmorphia back to the forefront. I feel uncomfortable and fat most of the time. And restricting my food to a Low FODMAP diet also causes my disordered eating to pop out and say hello. Because I’m restricted even more than my usual no gluten or dairy, my cravings are off the charts. Causing me to eat off the Low FODMAP list or overeat items on the list just to fill the void.

And yet, even with a new “diet” to try and heal my gut, nothing has changed. It’s still angry AF. And I don’t know how to fix it. With my current lifestyle, and my history of disordered eating, I am not able to do a full elimination diet to find the culprits. I wish I could wave a magic wand and feel good for the first time in months. At times, I wonder if I’m being punished for the unhealthy ways I’ve treated my body in the past, though I know that’s not true. But on most days it feels that way.

So in case it’s listening...I say thank you to my body and all it does for me. And to all of you dealing with a similar disorder, I feel you. I hope we can all find answers soon. You are not alone.