Learning Self Love in a Bikini — hungryhungryhelen

This time last year I was working feverishly hand sequining a bright red vintage style swimsuit in anticipation of the Galveston Island Beach Revue. I’d participated in their Bathing Beauties contest the previous two years and couldn’t wait for my third go-around.

My first year participating, 2016, I had just moved to Galveston, Texas and was still in the process of finding myself and making friends. When I moved, I was at my heaviest weight and had fairly low self-confidence. My goal was to start working out again and, once I heard about the Bathing Beauties competition, to feel comfortable in front of a couple hundred people prancing around in a bathing suit. You can imagine what that lead-up felt like. I worked out a couple times a day the month before, was wearing a waist trimmer (the rubber waist thing that makes you sweat A LOT), and even tried doing a lotion & saran wrap waist wrap over night. I think back on that and am slightly appalled with myself. But, at the time, I still felt “too thick” around my waist and knew my bathing suit was a bikini.

As it turned out, I had nothing to worry about! I imagined a bunch of skinny minnies competing, but it was women of all ages and sizes. Everyone was incredibly supportive of each other and bodies weren’t being judged. The competition was wonderfully body positive and confidence building for all involved. My Wizard of Oz themed costume was a hit and I walked away with 5th place!

Year two, in 2017, I put much more effort into my costume and less into focusing on how my body looked. I’d been working out consistently for a year and felt pretty good about myself. I love old classic movies and themed my outfit off one of Debbie Reynold’s costumes from “Singing In The Rain.”

I loved my ensemble, including my wonderfully hand-painted parasol. I felt good walking out on stage, confident, and full of self love.

That year, I walked away with second place! And not only that, I ended up in the newspaper. I was flying high. My confidence finally started to rise and I felt good about myself. A few months before I had found the body positive movement and realized my previously “healthy lifestyle” wasn’t so healthy. But I’d made a mental switch and began to change my mindset.

Year three, 2018, I definitely over committed myself in terms of my costume. But by that time, I felt as though I’d made a bit of a name for myself in the competition with my movie themed suits. That year was “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes,” an oldie that most people have never seen, but features songs most people know. I spent 20 hours hand sequining my suit, more hours painting my parasol and gluing gems to my shoes, and even more making a hair comb and earrings. I adored my outfit. It glittered and sparkled and the suit was very flattering.

But I woke up the morning of feeling bloated, unhappy, and had a lot less self love that day. Of course, I got to the competition and found my friends and began to enjoy myself again. Then it was my turn to cross the stage, my moment. I did the best I could. But sadly, that year, what ended up being my last year, I didn’t even place in the top ten. Of course all the women who did were wonderful, but I was crushed. I’d gone from 5th place to 2nd place and was hoping for another top five or top ten finish. And who knows why I didn’t. After the competition, my friends and family were incredibly supportive and I realized that was all I needed. Maybe I’d won enough and it was time for someone else’s confidence to grow and blossom. I’d had my time.

I am truly sad not to be participating this year, but the two thousand miles that separate me and Galveston, Texas make it a little too difficult. I hope all the women participating get out of the competition what I did. A place where no women are judging each other and women of all ages and sizes are supporting and cheering each other on. There’s nothing like that to help you gain some extra self love.

*If you live near Galveston, Texas check out this year’s competition May 17th and 18th.