Thoughts on Being White in an Interracial Relationship
1. As a white person, this is not about you.
2. Top priority should be checking in with your partner and supporting them.
3. Prioritize both yours and your partner’s self care. You cannot take care of them if you don’t take care of yourself. And your partner may need to be reminded to take time to decompress.
4. Educate YOURSELF. It is NOT your partner’s job to tell you what to do.
5. Take action on your own and support actions your partner is taking.
6. ACTIVELY listen. Let them vent, cry, scream, be sad, be angry.
7. Have uncomfortable conversations. It begins with communication and hearing other people’s stories and pain.
8. Seek out black owned businesses to support and treat yourself and your partner! (I found a lovely pie shop in Somerville that has a pie on its way to Mr Love right now! Petsi Pies)
9. If you are able, donate or volunteer your time.
10. Watch everything. Read everything. Know what is going on right now. It’s ok to take time to away from social media and still focus on learning.
11. Find fun ways to decompress together.
12. As a white person, you will never understand how your partner is feeling. But you can empathize, listen, grow, and learn.
13. Feeling angry and sad that your partner and their family have suffered injustices for centuries is understandable and ok. Cry it out. Then put that anger to good use writing emails, signing petitions, and VOTING. (Also note that your anger doesn’t compare to theirs.)
14. Don’t be scared to say the wrong thing. Tell your partner to correct you if your language is misleading or doesn’t sound the way it should.
15. Find ways to mesh your cultures from the music you play to the art on your walls.
16. Educate your family (and friends) as much as you can. This might be a tough one and it’s one of the most important. Your partner deserves to be treated with love and respect by your family and friends.
17. Feeling helpless because you can’t “fix” everything for the one you love is normal (and yes, painful AF). You may not be able to fix everything, but you can contribute to change. You can grow.
18. Just love them. Show your love for them in every way you can. Show you support them, value them, and tell them they are so incredibly worthy of everything.
This has taken some time to write and find the “right” words. Because again, it’s not about me. It’s about them, about him. But for those of you in a similar relationship I hope this can provide some light. Because we can affect change that our loved ones deserve. So go out and DO IT.